When Anxiety Isn’t Just in Your Head: What It’s Really Trying to Tell You
Anxiety gets a bad rap. It’s the thing you’re trying to “get rid of,” the feeling that hijacks your mind at 2 a.m., the tension that makes your chest tight during work meetings or social events.
But what if anxiety wasn’t just a problem to fix—what if it was a signal worth listening to?
Anxiety as a Messenger, Not the Enemy
In my work as a therapist, I often tell clients: Your anxiety isn’t trying to ruin your life—it’s trying to protect you.
That might sound strange, especially if your anxiety shows up in ways that feel overwhelming or paralyzing. But many of our anxious patterns were formed in earlier environments where they were helpful—keeping us alert, keeping us out of trouble, or trying to help us fit in.
Today, those same patterns often become automatic and rigid. You may find yourself:
Overthinking or obsessing about the future
Avoiding things that trigger discomfort
Feeling frozen or unable to act, even when you “know better”
Struggling to relax, no matter how much you accomplish
Why Coping Skills Alone Often Fall Short
There’s no shortage of tools for anxiety: breathing techniques, grounding exercises, body scans. These can all be helpful, and I often teach them to clients.
But sometimes, anxiety persists not because you don’t know what to do—but because your nervous system hasn’t had a chance to feel truly safe. And deeper healing requires more than a quick fix. It asks us to understand why this part of us is working so hard.
A Deeper Way to Work with Anxiety
In Internal Family Systems (IFS), we see anxiety as a part of your internal system that is carrying a burden—often the burden of responsibility, fear, or hyper-vigilance.
Instead of trying to eliminate this part, I help clients build a relationship with it. We ask:
When did this part first start working so hard?
What is it afraid would happen if it stopped?
Is there another part it’s protecting—like a younger part of you that holds shame, sadness, or fear?
When we listen with compassion, anxiety often begins to soften. It doesn’t have to scream to get your attention anymore.
You Don’t Have to Just “Cope”
You deserve more than survival mode.
Therapy can help you move from managing anxiety to actually understanding it—so you can shift the way it lives in your body and mind.
The goal isn’t to become a robot who never feels fear. The goal is to feel more spacious, centered, and in choice. To trust yourself more. To stop bracing for impact every moment of the day.
If This Resonates…
If anxiety has been running the show and you’re ready to approach it with more curiosity and care, therapy can help. Together, we can explore what’s underneath the surface and help you move forward with more clarity, steadiness, and choice.
