Relationship Patterns & Attachment

Understanding why relationships can feel so activating

You may deeply want connection, yet find that relationships bring up anxiety, self-doubt, emotional shutdown, or a fear of losing yourself.

You might notice patterns — overgiving, pulling away, choosing emotionally unavailable partners, or feeling intensely affected by shifts in closeness — even when you know better.

These are not conscious choices.
They are attachment patterns shaped by your early relational experiences.

You might relate if:

  • You become anxious when there is distance or a change in communication

  • You overanalyze texts, tone, or interactions

  • You feel responsible for the emotional state of the relationship

  • You lose connection with yourself when you get close to someone

  • You are drawn to partners who are unavailable or hard to reach

  • You pull away when someone gets too close

  • You fear being “too much” or “not enough” in relationships

  • You feel more secure alone, but also long for deeper connection

  • Conflict feels overwhelming or destabilizing

How early relationships continue to shape current ones

Our first relational environments teach us:

  • whether it’s safe to have needs

  • how closeness and distance are experienced in the body

  • what love feels like

  • how we protect ourselves from hurt

Even when you have insight, your nervous system may still respond automatically — especially in moments of:

  • vulnerability

  • conflict

  • emotional intimacy

  • uncertainty

This is why you can understand the pattern intellectually and still feel pulled into it emotionally.

How we work with this

In our work together, we slow the pattern down in real time and gently explore the parts of you that:

  • fear abandonment

  • fear engulfment or loss of autonomy

  • over-function in relationships

  • shut down to stay safe

  • long for closeness but don’t trust it

Using a depth-oriented and Internal Family Systems (IFS) approach, we:

  • help you stay connected to yourself while being connected to others

  • separate your present-day self from younger relational wounds

  • build the capacity for secure, mutual connection

  • create new relational experiences that feel steady rather than activating

This is not about changing who you’re attracted to through willpower —
it’s about transforming the underlying attachment system.

The goal of this work

To experience relationships where you can:

  • feel close without losing yourself

  • express needs without fear or guilt

  • tolerate space without spiraling

  • remain grounded during conflict

  • choose partners from clarity rather than old patterns

So connection begins to feel calm, mutual, and emotionally safe.